"I'm Just Not That Creative" and Other Modern Myths

"The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself." -Alan Alda

Quite often, I run across message board posts and blog posts from brides lamenting the amazing weddings they have attended or seen on the internet. I hear "I could never pull that off" or "I am just not that creative." Not true, my friends! Creativity is all about confidence.

Here is the single most important truth in creative confidence: If you like it, chances are - others will like it, too. Everyone - EVERYONE - is creative. The more you act on your creative ideas, the more you will sharpen your instincts as to what works and what doesn't.

We are all human beings with different talents. Everybody is good at something, and most anything you are good at - requires creativity. So yeah, you may not be a craft Jedi-master that can create her own prom dress out of fabric you wove on a loom yourself (and grew the cotton in your backyard, but of course) - BUT you may be someone who can envision a theme, a look for your wedding and hire somebody else to actualize that look for you. You may be someone who can make her guests feel special in an amazingly creative and personal way. Maybe you can put together an incredibly unconventional menu or write a ceremony that is romantic and fits your personality perfectly. Everyone is creative - you just need the confidence to be yourself and let your creativity flag fly (or your freak flag, as luck may have it!) Let it out!

Another element to free-flowing creativity is trial and error. If you have an idea, try it. There are a number of people who feel comfortable saying things like "In my life, the thing I am most afraid of is failure." I could not disagree more with this statement! We fail every day - and we WIN every day! Personally, I love to fail - it's not something you can get away from, AND, it's not so bad to fail now and then. Half of the time when I try something new, I get it right; the other half the time, I find out how NOT to do something! The world will not end if you fail at something. Here's the deal, if you are too scared to voice your creative opinions or try out one of your possibly fantabulous ideas.... you are just saying no to yourself - and why would you want to do that?

Once you stop playing that tape in your head that says "you can't," chances are - you WILL! Have any of you Bees recently opened the creative floodgates? Did you find yourself in a crisis of confidence? Or what thoughts or practices have helped you heighten your creative flow??

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Oh to Get Married Every Year!

Weddings tend to be creativity on Speed... theoretically. We all want our weddings to be personal, fun, and aesthetically pleasing. Although I am so excited about our Van Gogh theme, of course with all the wedding research, I inevitably run into other themes I wish I could incorporate, as well! Right now, the idea of a Frank Lloyd Wright wedding tickles my fancy. I wish I could have a second wedding so I could realize my visions of chandeliers, vintage martini glasses, and sleek, trim lines. Hmmm, maybe one of YOU should have a Frank Lloyd Wright wedding and send me the pictures instead!! ;)

Andrew Lloyd Wright Wedding - by Alloyall on Polyvore.com

All of My Bright Colors

"Isn't it a crying shame that nothing ever stays the same I can't fit into that wedding dress or be 23 again but you're looking at me now like you don't know who I am.

All of the bright colors that live inside of me are now just tiny little pieces of what used to be and it just feels like confetti."

The lyrics above are from a song called "Confetti," by one of my FAVORITE singer-songwriters, Lori McKenna. Lori's music is all so heartfelt and deeply personal. She is a mother of five from Stoughton, Massachusetts, and she has quickly risen to be a highly respected writer in the music world. If you've never heard of her before, YOU MUST, MUST, MUST check her out. She is amazing.

Anyway, "Confetti" is written from the perspective of a woman reflecting on life after her wedding day. She sings about how different and lost she feels after many years of marriage, and the difficulty of hanging on to individuality and identity when being in a long-term relationship. The song is sad, but a good topic of conversation (in MY opinion, anyhow!)

A few years ago, Lance Armstrong's (of yellow vest fame!) ex-wife Kristin wrote a book and ran the talk show circuit discussing how her biggest mistake in marriage was to completely throw away her identity. She says in her famous Glamour magazine article (5/1/2006) ...

"If you ask me today what I truly love, I can easily tell you I love God, my family, my friends, fireworks displays, a good red wine, staying up late with a mystery novel, a sweaty run, painting abstract art, indulging my organizational compulsions, laughing until no sound comes out and taking my time. If you had asked me when I was married what I loved, I would have automatically told you the things that I loved about my husband: the confident, easy way he traveled between countries..., or the way he could fearlessly MSH (our acronym for "Make shit happen..."), or the little-known fact that he is a good photographer."

Mr. Dragon and I have been together for four years now, a mere blip on the lifetime we plan to spend together - However, I already feel pangs of guarding my identity. We are going to go through our life TOGETHER, and because that involves two people, compromise closely follows. When you are in a serious relationship, personally, (and this is just my opinion) I don't see how anyone can retain - in full - their complete and total sense of self. Eventually, you are likely going to have to compromise on SOMETHING: that spontaneous road trip, drinks with your ex-boyfriend, taking a job overseas. You get the picture.

BUT, if we are careful, I don't see why it would be impossible to maintain the core of who we are. I know what I am willing to compromise and what I am not willing to give up. Mr. Dragon has his own core that I need to respect, as well. I can definitely see how marriage over the years can corrode your sense of self, especially when kids come into the picture! Some women identify solely as the "wife" or the "mother"... To me, those are only parts to a person, it's not WHO they are. They are roles, not who you are as a person. If those roles so take over your life that you have no idea who you really are anymore... I can see how you would feel like "Confetti," as Lori McKenna sings.

Right now, I would be seen as a "career woman" or "Mr. Dragon's Babe" [TIME OUT FOR A ;)!!!] However, I am Miss Snapdragon, who loves horrible TV shows and long books and is funny (sometimes!) and enjoys playing with her new KitchenAid mixer. I avoid unkind people and I despise taking out the trash. I love fashionable clothes but hate shopping. I am a horrible liar, and people can trust me. I'm happy. That's part of who I really am, and for me, I want to protect that as much as I can.

For me, this is a hugely important issue. We've all heard stories about women who are harried, exhausted, and live in their sweats. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want Mr. Dragon to become that husband that stops taking care of himself or who never does anything fun for himself ever either. Of course, check back in with me in ten years, but I hope we evolve rather than disintegrate into shells of ourselves. We'll do the best we can to support each other. For me, I want to grow, rather than twist and turn.

Is identity something that any of you are consciously protecting?

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Help Me with Mah Hair!

So I have been thinking about an exceedingly important subject for the past month or so. So, SO important! What color shall my hair be on my wedding day? :)

I am the queen of cutting and coloring my hair. I have had red hair, bad hair, black hair, short hair, long hair, blonde hair, good hair, brown hair... you get the idea. (Case in point below.) Right now, my hair is kind of an auburn ("kind of" being the operative phrase!) and I totally think it's fine, but... I think my wedding hair should be supa' fine! Please take a look at the choices below, and help me figure out what the heck to do with my totally average hair! Who else is about to makeover their locks? Pre-wedding color, post-wedding chop!

Brown Hair


Blonde Hair


Super-Dark Hair (framed nicely by C-Snap and Snappy T)


Red Hair (framed nicely by a fruity drink!)


***Mrs. Bee and Pengy, would you mind making a poll here? Thanks!***

Bears, Beets, and Battlestar Galactica

If you don't get the "Bears, Beets,..." reference... see The Office, Season 3, Episode 20. HIGH-larious.

When I was in my early twenties, this is what my Friday nights USED to look like:

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Now that I am thirty, this is what my Friday nights look like:

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Thankfully, Mr. Dragon is on the same page! Friday nights have become "Crash on the Couch" night for both of us. When I first met Mr. Dragon, he actually was way ahead of me. One of the first conversations we had was about how we "could never go out on Friday nights, because... that's Sci-Fi Friday night!!!!!!"

Are. you. kidding me. Mr. Dragon does not LOOK like a Sci Fi geek... but he is! And he has forced me into joining him. In my single life, I was a lover of The Twilight Zone, but that was about as far as I went into Sci-Fi World. Because clearly Friday night was going to become our "staying in" night, I was wise and gave Sci-Fi Fridays a chance.

Mr. Dragon set aside an entire weekend for the sole purpose of brainwashing me into his favorite show Battlestar Galactica. Um, I fell in love. The show is a remake (and WHAT a remake it is...) of an old seventies show about the Cylons (a human-created race of machines, some of whom look just like humans) waging war on humanity, many years in the future. The Cylons nearly eradicate the human race, who are running away from the Cylons, through space, trying to find their original home: Earth.

Laugh it up, Bees (!) but BSG, as aficionados call it, is the best show ever created, featuring perhaps the most incredible and sexiest action hero ever: Starbuck (who was a man in the original series!) I LOVE it! The final season just started, and you best believe the Snapdragons are nailed to the couch every Friday for the next few weeks, enjoying our favorite show together.

Let's not kid ourselves, we know wedding planning is not a fiesta ALL the time. For us, we've found that taking dedicated time to relax really helps minimizes those petty arguments that pop up due to wedding+life stress. SO, Hive, in the midst of wedding planning, how do you relax with your partner? Dinner? Dates? Ridiculously nerdy television shows? ;)

Dwight and I would totally be besties.

Money Madness

I am all in a tizzy, Hive! Last week, I attended a financial seminar taught by a well-known financial expert. I was so excited to attend, and boy, it was no disappointment.

As we all know, money is a top point of contention among couples, and if you and your spouse-to-be don't agree on how to manage your finances.... well, you better get on the same page - quick! Money can be such a hot point for arguments - how to spend, how to save, what major purchases are smart, what major purchases are poorly chosen. I think many of us have had the talk where we had to explain to our fiances how much a visit to the salon can really cost sometimes. "No, Dear, highlights and a cut for $20 only exists where you are best buds with the proprietor." "Um, yeah, sometimes shoes cost more than $10."

You get the picture. Joining finances with your hubs inevitably requires openness and flexibility in an area where many people are reluctant to have full disclosure. Exchanging FICO scores can be a big relationship moment! ;)

Mr. Dragon and I have started to join our finances due to our impending wedding. In working together for our financial fitness, I am going to share with you a few things that have helped us, along with some great points learned in my financial seminar that has totally motivated me into addressing the 800 pound gorilla in the room: money.

1) The best financial advisor you will ever hire is YOU. I will be the first person to tell you that I have a lot to learn about types of investments, retirement accounts. Do not EVER be completely reliant on ANYBODY else when it comes to your retirement accounts, savings, etc. Many of us are not financial wizards, but we should all take time to educate ourselves before signing any checks over to any person or company. Being in control of your money is up to you, and in the end - you are responsible for your own financial decisions!

2) Emotions have no place in financial decisions. We have all felt the pangs of "But I have had a really hard week - I deserve this!" That should be your signal to step away. The healthy attitude is "I deserve to be fiscally healthy." Don't buy impulsively, and think through big purchases before making them. Ask yourself, "Am I making a smart purchase?"

3) If you don't have a savings or emergency account, start one today! Putting money into savings each paycheck should be like another bill you have to pay. It's not how big your paycheck is - it's what you do with it. Even if it's $5 per paycheck, get yourself into the habit of consistently paying into that savings account, and put in a large amount if you can. It's not IF a rainy day hits, it's WHEN. I had my own rainy day a couple years ago, and ever since then, I pay into a savings account religiously.

NOW, here are also a few minor habits that have been really helpful for me and Mr. Dragon in combining our finances - if this helps you, that's great!

• Create a chronological calendar of bills that need to be paid: including grocery, gas, and "fun" allowances. If you are paid every two weeks... break those bills into two groups and assign each bill to the appropriate paycheck to be paid. For instance, if your electric bill needs to be paid February 5th, then assign that bill to your February 1st paycheck. This will help you plan your spending and reduce frantic bill paying. Once two people come into the bill paying mix... things can get quite complicated, and I've found this method to work well!
  
• Pay your bills ON Payday, before doing ANYTHING else. Then it's done.
  
• When you get a bonus at work or receive an IRS tax refund... be deliberate in how you use that money. Don't fritter it away. Use it to sink into savings for a down payment for a house or to purchase something that you and the fiance really need or want and have thought carefully about. There is nothing worse than realizing you have spent your tax refund on...wait, what DID I spend it on?
• Be honest. This is SO obvious, but can be difficult. When you goof up, tell your partner. This goes back to keeping emotion out of money. We all make mistakes, and it's better to address finding a fix for those mistakes, rather than trying to hide the problem because you are embarrassed.
• Find where you are throwing money away, and eliminate those bills. For instance, if you are getting a lot of parking tickets for an expired license plate... that is just throwing money away! Try to keep yourself out of those situations.
  

There's another element to this, of course. The unemployment rate in the USA is on the ups, which is an entirely different set of rules to address the stress involved in finding a new job. For those of you bees that are unexpectedly job searching in the midst of wedding planning, do you have any tips for others on how to address the stress? For all: What are your savviest financial habits?

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Gifts that a Dragon Could Love

***Mr. Dragon, I know you say you don't read my posts, but sometimes, like Miss Dumpling, I suspect that you are totally lying to me. You don't get to read this one!!!***

***Seriously, I will kill you!***

I have been thinking about what to give the Mister on our wedding day for a long time. The first idea was to score Chicago Bears season tickets. Mmm, yeah. Anybody who lives in Chicago is totally laughing at me because they know how fruitless a quest that is! I don't know if it's easier to get NFL season tickets elsewhere in the U.S. of A., but in Chicago... good luck, sister. There is a fee to get on the waiting list, and then you have to wait - sometimes a ridiculously long time. And - oh yeah - Season tickets are super expensive.

So that is NOT happening (tear.) Think, think, thinkity think - I thought up a new gift that will be both meaningful and useful!

*Mrs. Bee and Mrs. Pengy - please jump/break here!

Mr. Dragon is the king of deciding he wants to do something... and then doing it. One day, he decided to learn Spanish... and so he did. He decided he wanted to learn to play guitar and be in a band... and so he did. He started playing guitar about two years ago, and now he's pretty good. His band is about a year old. They play together for fun, and then gig every once in awhile.

Mr. D is at the point where his starter guitar no longer cuts the mustard. When he first began to play, he bought a mid-range guitar that is perfectly decent. Now, however, he is ready for a higher end acoustic model. I just know this would make a wonderful and special wedding present.

I am crossing my fingers that he won't purchase a new guitar before our wedding... so that I can buy it instead! Snapsister A is a professional musician (when she starts talking music... it's like Greek to me!) so I am hoping she can help me pick something out. I can't wait - I know he will love it!

I also have one other present I want to give him. For the first few months of our relationship, Mr. Dragon lived about two hours away, and I only saw him on weekends. However, we wrote each other two to five times a day over email. I think I am going to make a Blurb book with a combination of those early emails and the nicest photos of us. I'll wait to make it until we get our engagement photos done.

Between the guitar and the Digital Love Letter (as I am calling it) Book - I think Mr. D will be SET! What are you giving your Husband-in-Waiting?