Hi, Hive, it's been a bad week. This is a pretty difficult post for me to write. I am hoping it will help me find some closure, as well as letting you know why I won't be able to write here much longer on WeddingBee.
I busted Mr. Dragon for a full on affair. Not kissing, not emotional... It was a full-on affair with all of the ugly asides. Lying, hiding, everything. I console myself with the fact that I know I had nothing to do with it.
There is no subtle or nice way to say it. I found out the way you always find out - through the phone bill. Through many layers of lies, I was finally able to get him to come clean enough to know that I no longer want to spend my life with him because I don't recognize him anymore. He is not at all who I thought he was.
I will be honest - I am devastated. That word exactly captures how I feel. After thinking about it, I know that he will never be capable of loving me the way I love him. He will never be unselfish the way I was in staying with him through our relationship's many ups and downs and his many other mistakes. He doesn't have what it takes to be a good husband or father, and I thank God every second that I found out about the affair. I have successfully dodged the biggest bullet of my life. All I have to do is think about my parents and how much they love each other and would never treat each other the way he has treated me. It took exactly that long to realize that I deserve better.
I was humiliated and embarrassed for exactly four hours. Then the fog cleared and I realized that this is not my fault, and it actually has nothing to do with me. He had an affair because he has major emotional problems. "She" went along with it because she is young, insecure, not-too-bright, and semi-delusional (who hates herself that much that she will sleep with a guy that is asking his girlfriend's father to marry him and then also while he is proposing to her?) "She" clearly has many issues of her own.
So I am losing all of my wedding deposits and will have to pay a lot of penalties, but it is worth it to me. All of that lost money is going to buy me the rest of my life. And the rest of my life will be spent being happy, whether a shiny, new and improved Mr. Dragon arrives or not. If I do choose a new Mr. Dragon, he is going to be someone I can respect and trust, someone who can be my partner, rather than my ball and chain. Most importantly, he will be someone who loves me the way that a husband should love his wife.
I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am hopeful. I finally feel free. My gut had been telling me that something was wrong, and I was right. Now I don't have to worry about that any more.
I will have two more posts for you Bees. I have been slaving over my useless invitations, but I am going to show them to you in a separate post. They are unfinished, but you get the general idea. They were a labor of love, and somebody ought to appreciate them!!! My last post will arrive in July, after I go on my Honeymoon with my beloved sister. I am extremely grateful that the travel agency let me change the name on the tickets so that I can enjoy my trip with somebody who truly loves me.
I just want you all to know that I am so grateful that I was able to get to know so many of you. Thank you to Mrs. Bee, Pengy, and the Bees for helping me through what has been one of the most difficult times of my life. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and I were together for over four years, so this feels a lot like a divorce to me. I thank God every second that I found out about the affair now, and not a few years from now when I might be pregnant, with a mortgage. I am lucky.
Much Love,
Ms. Snap (and I AM Snappy!)
P.S. If any of you want to take over my June wedding date at The Hyatt Lodge in Oak Brook, IL... let me know ASAP and I will hook a sista' up!!
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