Dodging the Biggest Bullet of My Life

Hi, Hive, it's been a bad week. This is a pretty difficult post for me to write. I am hoping it will help me find some closure, as well as letting you know why I won't be able to write here much longer on WeddingBee.

I busted Mr. Dragon for a full on affair. Not kissing, not emotional... It was a full-on affair with all of the ugly asides. Lying, hiding, everything. I console myself with the fact that I know I had nothing to do with it.

There is no subtle or nice way to say it. I found out the way you always find out - through the phone bill. Through many layers of lies, I was finally able to get him to come clean enough to know that I no longer want to spend my life with him because I don't recognize him anymore. He is not at all who I thought he was.

I will be honest - I am devastated. That word exactly captures how I feel. After thinking about it, I know that he will never be capable of loving me the way I love him. He will never be unselfish the way I was in staying with him through our relationship's many ups and downs and his many other mistakes. He doesn't have what it takes to be a good husband or father, and I thank God every second that I found out about the affair. I have successfully dodged the biggest bullet of my life. All I have to do is think about my parents and how much they love each other and would never treat each other the way he has treated me. It took exactly that long to realize that I deserve better.

I was humiliated and embarrassed for exactly four hours. Then the fog cleared and I realized that this is not my fault, and it actually has nothing to do with me. He had an affair because he has major emotional problems. "She" went along with it because she is young, insecure, not-too-bright, and semi-delusional (who hates herself that much that she will sleep with a guy that is asking his girlfriend's father to marry him and then also while he is proposing to her?) "She" clearly has many issues of her own.

So I am losing all of my wedding deposits and will have to pay a lot of penalties, but it is worth it to me. All of that lost money is going to buy me the rest of my life. And the rest of my life will be spent being happy, whether a shiny, new and improved Mr. Dragon arrives or not. If I do choose a new Mr. Dragon, he is going to be someone I can respect and trust, someone who can be my partner, rather than my ball and chain. Most importantly, he will be someone who loves me the way that a husband should love his wife.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am hopeful. I finally feel free. My gut had been telling me that something was wrong, and I was right. Now I don't have to worry about that any more.

I will have two more posts for you Bees. I have been slaving over my useless invitations, but I am going to show them to you in a separate post. They are unfinished, but you get the general idea. They were a labor of love, and somebody ought to appreciate them!!! My last post will arrive in July, after I go on my Honeymoon with my beloved sister. I am extremely grateful that the travel agency let me change the name on the tickets so that I can enjoy my trip with somebody who truly loves me.

I just want you all to know that I am so grateful that I was able to get to know so many of you. Thank you to Mrs. Bee, Pengy, and the Bees for helping me through what has been one of the most difficult times of my life. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and I were together for over four years, so this feels a lot like a divorce to me. I thank God every second that I found out about the affair now, and not a few years from now when I might be pregnant, with a mortgage. I am lucky.

Much Love,
Ms. Snap (and I AM Snappy!)

P.S. If any of you want to take over my June wedding date at The Hyatt Lodge in Oak Brook, IL... let me know ASAP and I will hook a sista' up!!

Wedding Weight Loss: Where the Heck is the Bulgur?

I have long touted my obsession with spicing up Weight Watchers and making my wedding weight loss plan a way of life! Mr. Dragon and I have been eating more consciously for a couple of years, and now we are eating with a mind to be Hottie McHottersons for our wedding. For as long as I have been a blogger on WeddingBee, I have preached the helpfulness of Weight Watchers, and this week I am going to show you what I am talking about! I do NOT work in any way for Weight Watchers, but I truly believe in it because it is a life change, not a diet, and no foods are "verboten." WW has made a huge difference in my eating habits, and I love it! So this week, I am taking you grocery shopping with me and Mr. Dragon. On the menu this week... Shrimp and Basil Tabbouleh and Spaghetti and Meatballs from scratch. I am going to show you my favorite flavor-inducing tips, as well as exploring the eternal grocery shopping question... where on God's green earth is the bulgur???

I don't know about you ladies, but for me, cooking healthy meals during the week is really difficult! Once Monday hits, I am like a cannonball exploding into the week. When I get home from work, working out, errands, etc., the last thing I want to do is drag out a bunch of veggies and herbs and chop, saute, or simmer. No thank you.

I have found that the best healthy eating strategy is to make meals as easy as possible. Some people think that following Weight Watchers means that you must rely on processed foods like Smartones, canned foods, etc. Not true! I find that when I cook my own meals, I enjoy eating more, as well as the fact that I lose more weight! I don't know if it's because processed foods tend to be high in sodium or what (any nutritionists want to weigh in here?) You can, of course do Weight Watchers entirely on processed foods, but... why would you want to? :)

SO, every Sunday, Mr. Dragon and I go grocery shopping, and I spend a few hours that afternoon cooking two to three recipes that I package into single serving GladWare containers and stick in the fridge. Then, throughout the week, I pack my lunch box with the food I have already prepared and I can also just grab an already-prepared serving from the fridge for my dinner. I can just grab and go. Cooking all my meals for the week each Sunday REALLY alleviates a ton of stress when it comes to eating well. Those few hours each Sunday afternoon make an enormous difference! In addition to the homecooked meals, I also eat things like oatmeal, sandwiches (I LOVE sandwiches,) yogurt, and raw fruits and veggies.

When I have an especially busy weekend, I do eat processed foods because I don't have time to cook that Sunday. I try to make those weeks few and far between though. Now that I am used to eating "from scratch" meals, processed foods really disagree with my taste buds! For those of you unfamiliar with WW, the plan teaches you how to get enough servings of healthy foods like fruits, vegetables, dairy, and oil, as well as portion control.

Weight Watchers makes a number of helpful cookbooks with hundreds of recipes for meat-eaters and vegetarians alike. I tend to rely on WW cookbooks for my meals because I feel that I am less likely to miscalculate points. I have three of their cookbooks, but my favorite is the new Ultimate Flex and Core Cookbook. My one criticism of WW recipes is that you have to have an eagle eye... some recipes are amazing, while others are flavorless and bland. Now that I have been making WW recipes for some time, I have learned to spot the "not-so-awesome" recipes! For those of you who might be just starting to make WW recipes, you will learn what spices, seasonings, and veggies can be used to overhaul the taste, without adding to the recipe's points values. Be patient - you may make a recipe for the first time and find it too bland for your tastes, however, make it again, and experiment with the ingredients to see if you can turn the recipe into something outstanding! I take those bland recipes as a challenge to see what I can create!

Each Sunday, this is what my grocery cart looks like... Mr. Dragon and I pick out two to three recipes that look yummy and go to town at the grocery store! Ignore the Starbucks - they are not on the diet plan! ;)

Whenever I spot a WW recipe I want to try, I scope out the seasoning and cooking methods. I hate flavorless foods, and I have been cooking long enough to spot when a recipe might fall flat. SO, when Mr. Dragon and I shop, we make sure to pick up things like marinades, produce, and spices that will make a recipe come alive.

I NEVER cook meat that hasn't been marinated. This is totally personal taste, but I am REALLY big on robust flavors!

You see that "Classic Stir Fry Sauce" there in the middle? That sauce is BY FAR the most yummilicious stiry fry sauce I have ever used. Mr. Dragon and I eat a lot of stir fry, so we go through a bottle of this in a few weeks. Yum! One tip: Don't put this sauce in the pan right away. Add the sauce when the veggies are about halfway ready.

Another big thing in WW recipes is Pam cooking spray. I hate Pam. It has chemicals and things I can't pronounce, so I minimize the Pam use. Instead, I use Extra Virgin Olive Oil for cooking (holla at Mr. Peep Toe!) WW requires that you get a little oil every day to help your body process nutrients, so I get my daily oil check through the olive oil. I also find it adds WAY more flavor than Pam. A lot of companies make a lot of money making "diet foods." I prefer real food in healthful portions - that means real butter, real mayo, olive oil, etc.

I need bulgar this week, and this is where it's supposed to be... Do you see any bulgur? Um yeah, me neither. Grocery Store #1 is on my blacklist!!!

OK, so my tabouleh and spaghetti recipes look pretty good, as far as flavor goes, but, I think adding a little cinnamon to the tabouleh and garlic powder and red pepper flakes for the spaghetti will be delicious! Other spices that really help enliven recipes (for me, anyway!) are basil, oregano, rosemary (my favorite!), tarragon, celery salt, cumin, and chili powder. Asparagus, shallots, red and green onions, serrano peppers, and fresh lemon/lime juices are produce that add great flavor to many dishes without increasing calories. Serrano peppers are the bomb! (pretend I didn't use the phrase "the bomb.") ;)

One note about spices - fresh herbs are way, WAY better than dried herbs. The flavor is about 200% bigger from fresh herbs than from dried herbs. This is especially true for the herb go-to, Mr. Basil. There is no point in buying dried basil, in my opinion. You might as well skip it altogether! When I can, I always buy fresh herbs, and I use a heavy hand when measuring. The recipe calls for 1 tbl. of basil? I use 2 tbl.!

As I said earlier, in addition to the meals I cook ahead of time, I eat a breakfast that I am totally addicted to... oatmeal with strawberries and blueberries mixed in, yogurt, and tea. If I don't get my breakfast in, I feel it all day! Thankfully, I have never had an affinity for coffee, just tea, which is good for you!

OK, at this point, Mr. Dragon and I have finished shopping at Grocery Store #1, which failed us in the bulgur department. Poo on you, Mr. Grocery Store #1 - you are now forcing Mr. Dragon and I to go somewhere else, and you know how we hate to shop. Let's see what Grocery Store #2 has in the way of bulgur...

Hmmm, rice, rice, more rice... no bulgur. Awesome. Grocery Store #2 is also OUT! After some serious hoodoo and positive thoughts time, we crossed our fingers, toes and third nipples that Grocery Store #3 would be a hero today... (Cue the angels from heaven...) "AHHHHHHH!" Rockin'

For those of you who may have Tabbouleh in your futures... go to the organic aisle for future, ahem, forays into recipes requiring bulgur. Don't be like the Snapdragons, endlessly wandering the earth in search of healthy grains!!!

Once we trucked the groceries into my kitchen, we found that our Clementine oranges had apparently multiplied and had babies in Mr. Dragon's car...

Next up, how to turn this...

...into THIS!

Those Pesky Final Ten

Ever since Mr. Dragon and I began planning our wedding, I have been using our wedding as an excuse, er, kick-in-the-pants to lose weight and get in shape. I have been doing this the healthy way, using Weight Watchers and exercising about four times a week. Generally, this method has been working pretty well for me. I like Weight Watchers because it is simple, easy to follow, and it's not a diet (even though the name might lead you to think otherwise!) When I follow Weight Watchers, I get all of my daily recommended servings of dairy, fruits, veggies, and water. I also lose weight - bonus!! Today, I looked at my Weight Watchers progress chart, and I have lost thirteen pounds since August. That might not seem like a lot... but I am proud of myself!

My goal is to lose ten more pounds by my first dress fitting, but my weight loss has stalled out - it's The Dreaded Plateau, friends! Dun, dun, dun. I AM thirty, so I knew losing weight at all was going to be tougher than if I was younger, but.... I just know I can get it off. I am not the fastest runner among my friends, so I know I can do better in that department. I still make a number of poor food choices, so I know I can do better there, too. I have about eleven weeks until my first fitting, so that weight needs to start droppin'!

So far, these are the things that have helped me the most in my weight loss:
1) I do my best to keep my emotions out of food. Eating or not eating due to stress is no bueno. I don't deserve a Munchkin Donut; I deserve to be HEALTHY.
2) I make sure to get my daily recommended fiber. (Don't gross out!) Seriously, making sure I get the proper amount of fiber has made a big difference for me. Benefiber makes completely tasteless food additives and drink packets that I love. Completely tasteless. Awesome.
3) I take a multi-vitamin every day. This helps my body stay in top form - and the prenatal ones make your hair grow!
4) On Sunday, I make all my meals for the week and put them in Gladware in the fridge. Then, I have healthy meals that I can just grab and go on work mornings. It keeps me from buying a lunch where I don't know what's in it!
5) I minimize processed foods. If the nutrition label has things you can't pronounce... ick. Whatever I can make from scratch, I do. Sometimes I have an extra busy week and have to eat processed foods because I don't have time to cook, and that's ok! I try not to make processed foods a normal part of my routine though.

I'm in my second week of training for a local 8k, and I've started running faster and with the incline turned up, so I am hoping that will help me banish my weight loss plateau. Clearly, it's time to kick things up a notch! I am also starting with a personal trainer in a couple weeks, so he/she might teach me to work out in a more effective way. For those of you on your own weight loss journeys, how will you break through to the finish line?

Great First Dance Songs... for Someone Else!!

For some couples, choosing a First Dance is easy. They've always had "their song" and so their search for the appropriate song lasts about five minutes. For Mr. Dragon and I, this particular search was not so easy. Our favorite songs were either totally wedding-inappropriate OR they were TOO emotionally meaningful to us. I do not want to be crying all over the dance floor - I am kind of private about some things (shocking, I know.) Over the course of several months, we went back and forth, trying to find something that felt right. Well, we finally found something that feels perfect! I am not going to share the song because... I have to keep some things a surprise!!

In the course of our search, however, we found several songs that might be fantastic at YOUR wedding! So, without further adieu... Great first dance songs not-for-Snapdragons. :)

So Small - Carrie Underwood
This is the song we didn't choose because I would be sobbing the whole way through! There is "pretty cry" and "ugly cry." This is my ugly cry song, so NO GO!


You Are the Best Thing - Ray LaMontagne
I loooooooooove me some Ray LaMontagne. Mr. Dragon and I both liked this song a lot, but... we don't really have a personal connection to him or his music. I think he's amazing, but when Mr. Dragon and I are together, we don't listen to Ray any more than other artists that we enjoy. That being said, this song is awesome, and one of you needs to pick it!!


Witness to your Life - Lori McKenna
I have written before about how incredible I think Lori McKenna is, and I really love this song. Although we ALMOST selected this song, it didn't quite make the cut for us. I love how natural and truthful this song feels. I adore this song.
*This is the ONLY embeddable video I could find of this song. It may take a few minutes to load - worth the wait!

Lori McKenna More CMT Music More CMT Music Videos

Somebody Loved - The Weepies
This song is beautiful and simple and perfect for any couples who really want a quiet, special moment without extraneous fanfare. I am a Weepies fan, while Mr. Dragon is not (blasphemy!) - so no go on this one for us, either! This video is super goofy, so just close your eyes and listen!


So, Bees, what will your first dance be? Was your search difficult - like ours - or was it easy peasy?

Ringless No More!

Well, Hive, it's happened. Last summer, Mr. Snaps and I decided to get married AND we decided I would wear a diamond engagement ring. We could purchase a ring; we could pay for a wedding, but... we'd have to do it all at the same time. We have been dating over four years - we are both thirty, and we just didn't want to delay getting married by an additional year. We were ready to tie the knot, and we didn't think material things like a ring should delay our wedding. The timing was right to get hitched, SO we started planning a wedding before the proposal. Unconventional? Yes. Right for us? Definitely. I am a big fan of everyone doing what's right for them, and only them.

Mr. Dragon picked up my engagement ring from a local jeweler WAY BACK IN DECEMBER. That's right - that lil' stinker made me wait for six weeks!

Totally worth the wait.

My friend Snappy-T and I have a standing appointment on Saturdays to run together. We are both training for the Shamrock Shuffle, an 8k here in Chicago, so it makes sense for us to do our longer runs together on the weekends. Anywho, this time, after our run, Snappy-T told me that we were going out to lunch, and that it was a "great day to wear a dress." Snappy-T is not generally this bossy, and I suspected that Mr. Dragon had something to do with it, so I just smiled and nodded. :)

After the fastest shower and makeup job EVER, Snappy-T picked me up at my house and drove us to a lunch place in Lincoln Park that we both like called Zig Zag. (Seriously, Chicago Bees, it's so yum, and they give you a chocolate chip cookie as a parting gift!) We had a delicioso lunch, during which I wondered what exactly was going on here... As we were about to book it, Snappy-T handed me this...

WELL, alrighty then! Mr. Dragon was sending me on a scavenger hunt, and he filled my day up with some of my most favorite things... Mr. Dragon set a up a girly day before I was to meet him for dinner.

First on the list: Snappy-T and I went for manicures... If I MUST go get a manicure, then I suppose I can force myself! ;) The woman you see with Snappy-T (hidden behind the lamp arm - whoops!) directed the woman who was fixing my nails to "Make her left hand extra pretty!"

Then we cabbed to my favorite kitchen store, Williams and Sonoma. Mr. Dragon's card said that I HAD to go on a shopping spree in order to get to our next location... Yes, that is a dangerously sharp chef's knife in my hands. It chops like a dream!

We took a quick detour into Bloomingdale's dress section (because it is AWESOME.) Isn't this dress adorable?

The next card sent us on a trip to Rebar in the Trump Tower.

Now, Rebar is uber expensive, but the drinks are SO good. They call themselves the "liquid kitchen," and boy, you can tell. Those drinks are delectable. The bar is really pretty perfect - beautiful and yummy.

Rebar yielded the most hilarious moment of Snappy-T's and my day. The drinks are quite strong, and we hadn't eaten in several hours. A chocolate chip cookie can only get you so far, my friends. So we sat there in a moment of quiet: "You know, I think I'm kinda drunk." Whoops! So we ordered the prawn appetizer in order to dial down the tipsy. Twenty minutes later, this is what arrived at our table:

We couldn't. stand. it. So funny. If you're counting, that's two shrimp - TWO! SO, a paltry appetizer and a couple delectable drinks later, Snappy-T gave me my last card:

This card directed Snappy-T to drop me off at a restaurant that has special meaning to Mr. Dragon and I. Somehow, it's where many of our most important conversations have taken place. I was surprised to find that I was nervous! I didn't cry, even though almost every time we have dined at this particular restaurant, tears of joy, anger, or sadness were involved. I think it's a sign of how far Mr. Dragon and I have come.

So Mr. Dragon met me at the door, we sat down at "our" table, and he told me all the reasons he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

I said yes, of course. :)

It was a really special day - nobody has ever gone to that much trouble to set up something so thoughtful for me. What is so funny is... I actually feel different now. I didn't expect to feel at all different after Mr. Dragon had dropped on bended knee, but I do. It feels all officially official, and I can't wait for June to get here!

I took a stab at Ann Ruthman style ring shots... I am a total photography newbie, so be gentle!!!

When we were both in Texas for Christmas, on one of our local excursions, Mr. Dragon found a vintage ring box - from Chicago - that he bought on the sly. It made the night even more special than it already was.

(sigh) I'm happy.

Registries that Rock!

So, this weekend, Mr. Dragon and I boarded the wedding gift registry train! As I have said before, we have a multitude of married friends who were more than willing to advise us on the process, and of course, I will pass those learnings on to YOU, my dear Bees! Some of the tips are super basic and common knowledge, but.... we might as well cover all our bases in case some of these tips are helpful to you!

Originally, Mr. Dragon and I considered not registering for gifts at all. In case you haven't heard, there's a recession going on, and we just felt extra weird about registering, especially since it's not like we are 18 and just starting out. However, as a close confidant pointed out, in our guest list of approximately 140 people.... somebody *may* want to give us a gift, and we might as well make it easy on them. This is true. Mr. Dragon and I always send some sort of wedding gift when we are invited to a wedding, and the few times that the couple didn't register... it was kind of difficult to figure out what to give them, especially if we weren't best friends with them.

So, onward with the registering.

Mr. Dragon and I got up bright and early, as we expected the process to take all day.... which it did! We actually only got through two of the three stores at which we planned to register: the universally popular Bed, Bath, and Beyond (of 20% off coupon fame!) and Crate and Barrel. We felt that the combination of these two stores provided a WIDE range of price points, as well as having a decent return policy, in case anything shows up broken or otherwise unusable!

Neither Mr. Dragon and I enjoy shopping (actually, we HATE it!) but we kept a positive attitude and it was actually pretty fun! We had a mission to be efficient, as the Superbowl was later that day, and Mr. Dragon refused to be late! Of course, registering wore me out so much that I practically fell asleep about 8 million times during the game (even though it was such an exciting game!)

Bed, Bath, and Beyond was really user-friendly. Their store was set up in a way that we could be organized in our approach, and they were pretty good in providing a reasonable selection of the home basics that everyone needs. Scannity, scan, scan! We spent about two and a half hours there (no pictures at BBB - I'm sorry, I forgot!!)

We took a short break for lunch... [psst, the pear and gorgonzola pizza at California Pizza Kitchen is delish - not that I, ahem, dine at chain restaurants or anything. ;)]

Then it was off to Crate and Barrel! What I really love about Crate and Barrel is that they have attractive items that run the gamut of price points, and I also appreciate that you can buy things like glasses separately, giving wedding guests the ability to purchase multiple items at an affordable cost.

Mr. Dragon vetoed my choice of dessert bowls... (c'mon, can't you just see an ice cream sundae in those bowls?!)

...But he was on board with the dessert plates!

All right, let's dish on registry tips... I have a few bits of advice gleaned from the Snapdragon Registry Adventure, along with helpful hints from other married couples that weighed in!

• Make sure to register at stores that - to the best of your research - are not going out of business anytime soon. All of those people with Linens n Things gift cards? No good anymore! You also don't want to annoy your guests with dwindling merchandise. Registries are supposed to make gift-giving easy and hassle-free.
• Go nuts with items under $20!!! For us, we actually were able to register for a ton of things we need that priced out under $15, and a decent number for $10 or less. This gives your guests maximum flexibility in terms of cost (if they are dead set on giving you a gift from your registry.)
• See if that place setting or box of glassware you are hoping for comes singly and register both the full setting and the single items. For instance, a guest may want to gift you a part of your china pattern, but don't want to purchase an entire place setting. If they can buy a few saucers or bowls rather than the entire place setting, that's helpful. Others (say a family member) may want to buy an entire place setting, in which case you should also give them that option, as well. (Overall, a place setting tends to be a better bargain than buying each piece singly.)
• As an addendum to the above tip, glassware is a GREAT area to register singly, rather than a boxed set. For us, Crate and Barrel sold great kitchen items at $7 or less per item. Again, this helps provide flexibility.
• Be prepared to spend more than one day registering. Yes, some couples might be superhuman and able to knock everything out in an afternoon, but... wow, that's amazing.
• Don't feel pressured into registering for things you don't need. Period.
• Register at one store (or more) that has national visibility. Most brides have a guest list with at least a few out-of-towners. Make it easy on them, please!
• Check out the store's return policy. This is a no-brainer, but uber important in the event that an item arrives broken or doesn't fit into your home as well as you thought it would.
• Bring snacks! This is one area where we failed big time! By lunchtime, I seriously thought we were both going to faint from lack of sustenance. Must bring snacks!

When we were all done, we were SHOPPED OUT! Registering takes way longer than I thought it would, and we still aren't done! I am reticent to register at Target - they are affordable and have a number of items that would do the Snapdragon abode some good, but... I have only heard nightmares about their return policy!!! Supposedly this return policy recently changed - what do you Bees think? Any specific registry tips that might help out other brides about to pick up The Mighty Scanner??