The Things We Remember

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I have been chewing on this post for awhile. I kept starting and dropping and re-writing, never completely sure how to write about this subject. I just can't stop thinking about it!

A few weeks ago, Mr. Dragon and I went out with a few people who will be attending our wedding that we don't see very often. I was really excited to hang out with them. We went to a casual restaurant and wore our comfy jeans, which is actually my favorite thing to do - low-maintenance night out. Because [when you're engaged] everyone asks you about your wedding, talk turned to how excited we were for our circles of friends and family to finally meet. As we all know, I have a somewhat unusual family, as well as other friends that remarkably sheltered peeps might also label "unusual." To me, they are my friends, and that's IT - I don't identify them by their lifestyle, appearance, etc.

I have to be vague so that certain people aren't incriminated and also so others aren't embarrassed.

Anyway, when these particular friends of mine came up in discussing our wedding guest list.... the people we were dining with got really crass. Names, dirty jokes, etc. I got upset once I was over the shock of what was going on. Just because someone is supposedly "different" doesn't make it ok to call them names, belittle them, or reduce them to a joke. I was so taken aback that I was speechless. I am ashamed to say that I was like a deer in headlights. I didn't want to castigate our dinner partners and "create a scene..." - I was just basically unsure of what to do. I just stopped talking and prayed to God for them to stop.

For the rest of dinner, I faked my way through it and hoped it would be over soon. I like - liked - these people a lot, and I was confused as to why they thought, as grown adults, it was acceptable to make fun of people they didn't even know, in such a brutal way. I pretended to be sick, we were able to leave, and I cried all the way home, completely ashamed of myself for not putting a stop to it in the moment. Proven by the fact that I am still haunted by the experience... the whole event was traumatic.

If I could uninvite them from the wedding, I would, but as Mr. Dragon points out: "They had no idea how ignorant they were being, and we already sent them a Save the Date." Oh, Mr. Dragon, you're funny. :)

Here's what I am worried about... I am extremely proud that I have such a diverse set of friends and family members. Because I know how others can treat people with disabilities (either as saints, which is totally annoying and offensive - or that they are invisible - or just straight up mean,) among other belittling situations I have encountered, I do my best to avoid making people feel worthless. This may sound obvious, but... you'd be surprised how many people feel totally fine saying the craziest things to others they think are "less worthy" or that they are uncomfortable with. I just don't make fun of other people's lifestyles or beliefs - I just don't. It does nothing but cause hurt. This is not to say that I have never been hurtful (because I definitely have!) BUT I try to be aware of what I am saying and how I am affecting other people.

The reason I bring this story up is because so many of the Snapdragon wedding guests are from a variety of backgrounds, lifestyles, what have you... I am now scared that a few of our supposedly "mainstream" guests are going to make others feel uncomfortable. I was a bit scared about it before, but now I see my concerns are valid, unfortunately. The super-vast majority of our guests I totally trust to behave like normal, well-behaved people, but... clearly my faith is now wavering a bit, dangit.

This is a bit of a conundrum. I know this sounds weird, but I am kind of hoping to see these particular offending dinner guests before the wedding. I REALLY hope they start saying the ignorant and hurtful things they said before because this time, I am going to [kindly] set them straight. This way, they'll only have said those mean things to ME and not to anyone who will be hurt by it. They will have been "schooled," if you will.

It's a pickle. Is it just me, or are other brides strategizing about how to protect some of their wedding guests, too? Are you a bit nervewracked? For those of you who are dealing with families who underwent an acrimonious divorce - are you worried about how to minimize potential drama?

*I realize that this post was quite fuzzy on the details - hopefully the point still came across. :)