Thankfulness

I don't know why - but lately I have been thinking a lot about thankfulness. Maybe because there seems to have been so much upheaval everywhere lately: crazy economy, REALLY emotional campaign season, the holidays fast approaching, and most of all there has been a lot of personal upheaval in people close to me, which is always stressful because you want your loved ones to always be happy!

I have just been SO EMOTIONAL lately. I cry at the drop of a hat, even commercials make me tear up, which makes me laugh at myself, even as I am fighting back the tears. I think I just feel this enormous sense of a big change coming, and I don't know what to expect! I was really confused why I was so unsettled, but I think I finally figured it out...

• I am never going to go on any more first dates.
• There won't be any more first kisses.
• I really can't go out with my good guy friends all by myself anymore because it might "look bad."
• When he makes a mistake, I need to forgive.
• When I make a mistake, I need to own up to it.
  
• Etc. etc.

I am making the transition from singlehood to "old, married lady." Even though FI and I have been dating for almost four years now, and we have been planning to get married for the last year... I am only recently realizing that there is this shift that starts when wedding planning actually HAPPENS! I have to say I was a bit surprised at my reaction. I thought I'd be happy, happy, happy, all the time, but for a little while I've been crankilicious, and now I know why.

For me, I always think that growth is accompanied by a bit of pain or discomfort - that means you are evolving! And I definitely feel like I am transitioning into the next phase of my life. I know this bit of tearful crying every other second is going to pass because...

• I am so thankful to be in love with someone who loves me just as much as I love him.
• I am thankful that when we mess up, no matter how big that mistake is, we forgive each other.
• I am thankful to have families around us who love and support us, and who are willing to drive in a caravan up to Chicago for our wedding allllll the way from the Lone Star State. (must have BBQ ready for them upon arrival...)
• I am thankful to have friends that are AWESOME and will always tell us the truth in love.

I just have so much to be thankful for, and even though I am crying a lot, it's because I am leaving my old ways behind. I never really understood what it felt like to be engaged, and now I am really heavily feeling the shift into my life's new chapter. I want to feel every moment, so that when I am at the beginning of the aisle, I am ready to drop my old life, and step into the precious new life I will be starting with Mr. Snapdragon, as our own new family. It reminds me of when I was little and used to swim in the deep end of the swimming pool - I'd always hang on to the edge because I was too scared to swim out. This time, I gotta let go of the wall!

Has anybody else experienced "pre-wedding depression?" Bueller? Bueller? :)